SETTING THEM UP THE BOMB
by BMKuro
Summary: At Budehuc Castle, nothing is 'normal'. It gets worse when a matchmaker is running rampant causing breakups and creating new random relationships! Kidd, Goro, and Borus must catch him before all order is destroyed! Better Summary inside.


_Standard disclaimers apply._

_Summary: Well, there is a demonic matchmaker on the loose, causing chaos between couples and forming up new relationships everywhere. To the dismay of Borus, Chris has become enamored with Fred, and she's trying to capture the poor Maximillian with the power of her True Water Rune. To Lucia's disapproval, she finds her son stalking girls and burning everything in his path with the True Fire Rune's might. To Dios's chagrin, Sasarai has gone heterosexual after a really bad experience with the True Earth Rune and Augustine. To Sarah's shock, Luc has switched sexualities with his aforementioned 'brother' because the True Wind Rune was jinxed by Augustine. And to his team's surprise, Geddoe has been spotted looking at dirty magazines on the roof of the castle, zapping anyone who gets too close to see what he's reading with his True Lightning Rune. Goro, Kidd, and Borus are working to solve this case, and Kidd is sure the perpetrator is one of the 108 stars of destiny...which means, he or she is somewhere in the castle! However, can they solve the case without getting too... "involved" in it as well?_

**Warning: BEWARE OF RANDOMNESS, LAME SHOJOU-AI AND SHONEN-AI!**

* * *

**SETTING THEM UP THE BOMB**

**The First Incident: The Swordsman of Gale Rides On (a Cowgirl)

* * *

**

"And that's what you should do with a horse to..." Percival told Kathy.

"Nuh uh. Ya hafta do this!" Kathy responded by smacking the horse.

"Hey! Don't smack my mare!"

"Who's tha caretaker, huh, mister?"

"But it's my horse!"

"It's mah ranch!"

"No it's not! Technically, it's Zexen property until Thomas becomes material lord of the castle!"

"Well, the ranch is under MAH control, and ah can do whatever ah want with them horses."

"Well, FINE!" Percival huffed.

"Well, FINE!" Kathy huffed. And the two walked their separate ways. Normally, the two are cool together, always talking about horses and comparing their methods of handling horses peacefully. Of course, every couple has some off days.

* * *

The man ran down the hallway at a frightening speed. His handsome youthful face was covered in sweat. And he was sweating fear. He knows it's coming for him. He wiped sweat off his brows, his forehead, and that rebellious lock of hair that is always in front of his face. He looked back briefly to see it getting closer to him. A few seconds later...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed. The cane got him by the underside of the back of his armor, and immediately dragged him back to where it came from. "DON'T PUT ME BACK! DEAR LORD HAVE MERCY ON MEH!"

The usually calm, cool, and collected Percival is no longer collected, cool, and definitely not calm. The sound of his metal gauntlets trying to grip onto the floor made horrendous screeching sounds that made the audience cringe in pain. The masked man who was pulling the cane pulled harder on Percival. One would think that the Phantom of the Opera-ish mask he has on might be what is scaring Percival, but no, it is something much worse than that.

The Swordsman of Gale...sucks at acting. In fact, he once took drama at Zexen knight college, and failed with the lowest grade anyone ever got. A big fat zero.

"That's excellent, Percival," Nadir whispered...well, half grunted, half whispered to Percival (he's still pulling), "but I think you're overdoing the scared Red Riding Hood part..."

"AIE THE WOLF IS GONNA EAT ME IT'S GONNA EAT ME SOMEBODY SAVE ME WHAT DID I DO LORD WHAT DID I DO WROOOOONGGGG?" was the knight's fear-stricken cry. You could say that he's overdoing it...but he's not trying to. Nonetheless, Bright the dragon, who is playing the wolf while Futch speaks his lines, put Percival in his mouth and walked off the stage. Percival cried and punched the Dragon as hard as he could to be let go. It's both funny and sad; it looked like he was trying to reach a rope as he fell down a ravine, but missed it just by a millimeter and he is now falling very deep into the ravine. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Being so close to something yet so far away at the same time?

"Final Scene: The hunter comes in and saves little triple-R," Nadir said to the audience. By now, half of them were crying tears of laughter, a quarter was quivering in their seats because they were scared by the insanity of the play, and the final quarter was asleep.

"Do it now," a voice whispered.

"Roger, boss," another voice replied. Behind the voice, a girl was tied up and her mouth was muffled with a scarf so she couldn't talk. "It's showtime." The owner of the voice gave quickly unbound and took the gag off the girl, and he pushed her onto a platform which rose from the middle of the stage. Silence followed.

'When I asked them for a cross-dresser, I didn't expect a normal person,' Nadir thought, 'who knows what she'll do to me after the play is done? I hope she doesn't bring those horses in...'

Kathy just stood there in the middle of the stage, silent and unmoving. In fact, it seemed that she had recently been afflicted with the petrify status. Or she did it to herself willingly, which seemed to be the case, as she has a new Basilisk rune on her right hand. How she got it with the low pay she got for maintaining the horses is unknown.

"TAKE IT OFF!" a young Karayan voice everybody knew so well shouted from the audience. A yelp of pain and some bitchin' soon followed. Then, raging fires erupted from that section of the audience. A roasted duck replaced the unfortunate one that dared cross Hugo. And all through this, nothing happened onstage. Nadir slapped his forehead.

"Whatever," he said exasperatedly, "just go and end this quickly..."

Futch ordered his dragon to enter the stage, but he had to be careful or Bright would accidentally break the petrified cowgirl already there.

From backstage, Nadir acted as the hunter's backup voice, and said, "Don't worry, I'll save you from the wolf which is SLEEPING (he emphasized it because Futch couldn't get Bright to play dead) by CUTTING ITS STOMACH OPEN!"

Bright gave a scared yelp at hearing those words. He threw Barts, who was playing Granny, into the audience, and dropped a fainted Percival on Kathy, who surprisingly didn't break when the knight landed on her. Nevertheless, Bright flew off the stage and over the audience, and busted through the door of the theatre bar.

"THAT'S GONNA COST YOU!" Anne the bartender yelled to Futch, who was having a hard time handling his dragon. Backstage, Nadir slapped his forehead again and let his hand slowly slide down his masked face.

'Why...why, damn it, must all of my plays be ruined by a mentally handicapped cast...WHY?' he thought to himself. Then he looked towards the audience. They all seemed to be in a state of shock. He was surprised by their reaction; he expected them to just laugh and treat this serious play as another comedy (which is what they did with all his other performances). He then looked towards the stage.

Percival was on top of a stoned Kathy, mouths locked. The funny thing is, Percival is pretty much scared to death and Kathy is still petrified. Silence followed, but after a few seconds, the audience clapped. Most of them clapped, and Mio and Tuta got on the stage to get them to the infirmary. However, they found that the two were stuck on each other for some reason, and cannot separate them. Nonetheless, Percival and Kathy were cured anyways.

* * *

"MERFFEFEF!" both Kathy and Percival tried to say but couldn't say. The most accurate translation would probably be "WTF?"

Instinctively, they tried to push each other apart, but couldn't. Mio chuckled a bit and Tuta thought that it was quite a funny sight. And it is, damn it.

"Sir Percival, Miss Kathy, I'm afraid I have bad news. You both have been afflicted with the Siamese Lip Lock status effect. See, until you two have gotten rid of your fears, you will not be able to be separated. That, or you can wait for a week." Tuta diagnosed. And quietly he added, "Or settle the argument between the two of you, whichever comes first...but this is SO much funnier if I don't tell them..."

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

"PERCIVAL!" a blonde knight broke the infirmary's door down with a mighty punch. "YOU GOTTA HELP ME, LADY CHRIS IS..." Borus stuttered when he saw Percy and Kathy in a lip lock. "...is...actually, I'll tell you when you're not busy."

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

"Yo, Kathy," Yuan said as he opened the infirmary door, "can you get your horses to get out of my sleeping spot...actually, you can do it later."

"Sir Percival," Louis called, "AIIEEEEEEEE! I'M SORRY I WON'T TELL LADY CHRIS!"

"Kathy," Hugo called as he entered the infirmary, "Fubar ate...actually, why don't I tell you later?"

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS CHAOS?" Dupa yelled angrily as he broke down the infirmary door. "TAKE CARE OF YOUR HORSES...wo...man...Oh, I'm sorry, please forgive me, I didn't mean to intrude...Um...this is awkward..."

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

"They've been at it for hours..." Tuta complained, "maybe we should just let them out? I don't really want to fix the door of the infirmary again..."

"Sure, why not?" Mio said with a relieved voice.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

Everybody they passed looked at them intently as the pair walked awkwardly towards the stables to feed the horses. However, Percival wanted to go to the bathroom, but Kathy wanted to go straight. The inability to communicate between themselves resulted in Percy tripping over Kathy's legs and landing on top of her, and they rolled down the steps towards the stable. Percival's bladder broke then. After they stopped rolling at the bottom, Kathy kneed Percival where it hurts for wetting himself, and indirectly getting his liquid on her through his skirt.

Eventually, after much struggling, they managed to get to the stables, which was a lot easier since everyone stayed out of their way. However, there, it was a different story.

"MM!"

"MM!"

Percival tried to go one way and Kathy the other, but the lip lock kept them from moving. Then Percival remembered something.

"Or...Settle...Argument...funnier...don't tell them..."

Percival's eyes flared with rage and vengeance towards Tuta. He moved his tongue around in an attempt to get Kathy to understand him, but she thought he's gone mental and desperate that he's trying to smooch her deep. Percy's eyes gave way to waterfalls of tears as his testicles were crushed by the cowgirl's mighty knees once again.

Then he thought of something. He managed to get eye contact with her by staring at her eyes for a really long time. Well, at least he got her looking at his eyes. She had a suspicious and scared squint, as if waiting for the knight to do something unmentionable to her. Well, he did look like a rapist then.

Percival moved his eyes in a quick motion to his left. Kathy didn't understand why, but Percy then moved himself to his left, forcing Kathy to follow. Then she understood; he was trying to lead them somewhere. She followed his eye movements and moved at a rather quick pace towards wherever it was Percival was heading.

* * *

'Well, at least he can think normally now...' she thought.

'Great, she understands,' Percy thought. Then he noticed that, the more she followed him, the more he could move his head to turn. That means, the status effect was going to go away soon. He urged Kathy to move faster.

As they reached the double doors of the castle, Percy was finally released from Kathy.

"WHEW!" Percy sighed, relieved. "Well, I'm glad that's over with. Now, for some sweet revenge..."

"Revenge?" Kathy asked him, puzzled.

"I thought I heard Tuta whisper something about if we settle our arguments, we could have gotten free of this easily and much earlier than this! And he didn't tell us because he thought this would be funnier!"

"WHAT? Why ah oughta...OUTTA MAH WAY!" Kathy pushed Percy aside and bolted towards the infirmary with amazing speed.

"TUTA!" The door was broken again.

"Oh, wow, that was fast," Tuta commented with an innocent smile.

"Oh, it was fast all right," Kathy said, demonic eyes glinting. She cracked her knuckles.

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"What did you do to him?" Percival asked her at the stables later on after dinner. The two laid down on a stack of hay to look at the stars after Kathy invited him to. "I found him...not in the best shape."

"Ya don't wanna know, partner," Kathy commented with a blush. "Ya like ma handiwork?"

"I admit, I wouldn't be able to do better," Percy chuckled. "Say...about earlier...It kind of feels weird now. Except for the constant groin crushing, I was actually getting used to that lip lock. What about you?"

"Say no more."

"MRF! MMmmmm..."

Various sounds could be heard in the stable.

"Mission...accomplished, at the cost of my hearing and retinas, sir," a voice said from on top of the stable.

"Eeeeexcellent..." a voice replied. "Muahaha...MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!"

"Sir, I must say this, a little boy cannot do an evil overlord's laughter well..."

"Shut up."

A lone shadow stood unnoticed behind the person on top of the stable. 'What's this?' Watari thought. 'I think I should report this to that detective kid...'

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**THE PLOT THICKENS!**

Next up: The Flame Champion's Smokin' (a Teleporter)

Review please :)


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